A Mason's Work

When a friend is struggling, the impulse to jump in with answers feels generous. It feels like love. But Brian Mattocks opens this week by naming what's really driving that impulse much of the time: your own discomfort with their pain, not their actual need for your solution. That itch to fix arrives before you've even heard the whole problem — and that timing tells you something worth paying attention to.

The first of the Workman's Rules in Brian's book A Mason's Work reads: Work your own stone. Insight does not grant jurisdiction. Your work ends at your own borders. It can sound like a cold instruction to mind your business. It isn't. Understanding what it actually demands — and what it protects — is the thread running through the entire week. The person struggling with their stone is doing more than finishing a piece of work; they're developing the capacity to work harder stone next time. Grab the chisel and you don't just solve the problem. You cancel the lesson.

That doesn't mean walking away. There is a third option between fixing and abandoning, and it requires more skill than either. Brian calls it abiding — being genuinely present with someone in their difficulty without converting that presence into solutions. The distinction between meddling and abiding is where the real work begins.

The difference between smothering and supporting is learnable — and it starts with being honest about who the fix is really for.

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