A Mason's Work

[00:00] for as much as the behavioral level of the guide is about noticing your own behavior
[00:06] the relational level of the guide is about noticing the behaviors not just of yourself
[00:12] but of the people that you're working with you need to have both of those things in place in
[00:17] order to successfully help someone navigate the exposure and adversity that comes with
[00:22] trying new and risky or challenging things um what something that is is really important to
[00:31] understand fairly quickly um is that your risk your personal risk tolerance and exposures your
[00:38] personal comfort levels will not match the comfort levels and exposures of other people and because
[00:46] of this uh you have to as a guide hyper focus on the people that you are trying to help
[00:56] uh if you note that they are uncomfortable being dismissive about their discomfort is not good
[01:04] guiding behavior that is bad guiding behavior that is uh the worst kind of guiding behavior
[01:10] now understanding that um that people are going to be uncomfortable and that they might need
[01:17] emotional support to take on some of these challenging obstacles um is really where the guide role shines
[01:25] as a function and when we do this relationship wise when we do it really in relation with the other
[01:32] people that we interact with um we have this this really powerful capacity uh that it can shape
[01:40] relationships uh it can shape experiences uh for years and years and years to come one positive
[01:49] experience of care one positive experience of mentoring one moment of careful noticing someone else's needs
[01:58] relative to the adversities that they're facing can be the life-saving or life-changing moment
[02:06] that a good guide is capable of when we look at our masonic experience when we look at
[02:14] uh the social experiences we have when we look at our family experiences um we can all individually
[02:20] recollect i'm sure someone who took that responsibility of guide dropped their ego and took on the role of
[02:30] meaningful care they didn't do the work for you so this is another thing you have to keep in mind
[02:36] as a guide from a relational perspective when you're working with other people you cannot do the work
[02:43] for someone else you can help them make the work manageable you can give them the emotional support
[02:52] required for them to take on the work you can encourage them to take on bigger challenges than they might
[02:59] think they're capable of but you cannot lift the stone for them you can't go to the gym and lift the weights
[03:08] on behalf of someone else when we play a good guide it's a lot like being a good parent uh without all of
[03:17] the doing it for you part right so if you've had a parenting experience there's been many times where
[03:23] you're like oh god i just need to just give me your shoes i'll tie your shoes for you uh when you're a
[03:30] guide that's never an option right um because you create a sort of broken kind of relationship
[03:36] uh for that individual that you're trying to guide since you can't do it for them without breaking
[03:43] that relationship and without sabotaging their future you have to help find ways to nurture
[03:50] people and increase their comfort level increase their trust level so that they can take on these
[03:56] risks themselves when you see other people guiding well it doesn't look like anything it's really
[04:05] peculiar when you watch someone else play a good guide the entire experience the entire spotlight
[04:14] is not on the guide it's on the person who's being guided and that spotlight that attention
[04:22] um is all in a very almost socratic kind of way where you ask the right questions so that the solutions
[04:31] emerge where you uh present the just the perfect path uh for someone to demonstrate their agility or their
[04:42] capacity or their strength when we do this well and we spend time architecting uh solutions as a guide
[04:51] for the people around us you really can elevate everyone's experience and as a result everyone will profit
[04:59] and learn as well from that guiding process so uh the the guide relationship is truly something special
[05:09] uh and you'll find that if you're an effective guide um the people that make it through this adversity that
[05:16] they're experiencing this uh initiatic process that we go through and launch or you know any of the kinds
[05:23] of things when you're a good guide and mentor um those relationships become lifelong become uh robust and
[05:31] powerful and that's really where fraternity as a concept really emerges it's not just companionship it's not just um you know hanging out and having a good time it's these exposures through collaborative risk taking and a mentoring and guiding process that the real fraternity emerges