A Mason's Work

[00:00] is we've covered a lot of ground.
[00:03] We've named the loneliness and isolation that lives in a full life
[00:07] and the specific appearance of moving through a room full of people
[00:11] that maybe don't even actually know you.
[00:14] We talked about the normal fiction that we use as a clamp
[00:20] that keeps it that way and that keeps the world safe.
[00:25] We got into the practice of saying the slightly truer thing
[00:28] and what that costs and what that landscape looks like
[00:32] when we start doing that.
[00:34] Yesterday we added something important, a little bit of caution,
[00:37] that as you start to open up,
[00:40] you become someone who says real things in real conversations.
[00:44] The people around you will start to do the same.
[00:47] And your job in that side of the exchange is not to fix or advise or judge
[00:52] or take everything that comes back and turn it into ammunition against yourself,
[00:56] allowing someone their truth is the other half of the skill.
[01:00] You can't ask for one without offering the other.
[01:04] Today we're going to close the week by talking about
[01:06] what accumulates when you do all of this consistently.
[01:12] Not perfectly.
[01:15] Consistently.
[01:15] Here's what changes first.
[01:18] The energy.
[01:19] We spent all of last week mapping the cost of the masking that we do,
[01:24] that invisible ledger,
[01:26] the transactions that post automatically every time you calibrate
[01:29] and adjust and suppress.
[01:32] When the masking starts to come down
[01:34] in the relationships that matter most to you,
[01:37] the cost drops.
[01:39] It's not instant.
[01:42] Gradually.
[01:42] As trust builds and the performance requirement decreases,
[01:47] the cost goes down.
[01:51] It'll take a minute,
[01:52] but you'll notice it.
[01:53] The conversations that used to leave you
[01:55] in a place where you needed
[01:57] that time in isolation to recover
[02:00] start to feel less like that.
[02:05] You'll talk all night and realize that you're not tired
[02:08] or you feel like you have so much more that you wanted to say
[02:12] that you didn't have time to get into.
[02:16] You'll say something awful,
[02:19] real,
[02:20] and the world didn't end.
[02:23] You let see something,
[02:24] you let someone in your life
[02:26] see something true about yourself
[02:27] and they stuck around.
[02:30] Now,
[02:32] we were pointing at a lot of this
[02:33] in the very first episode
[02:35] of this week,
[02:37] that friend that you don't have to perform for
[02:39] or that flow state
[02:40] where everything is aligned.
[02:43] Those weren't
[02:45] exceptional experiences
[02:47] reserved for like lucky
[02:48] once in a lifetime moments.
[02:51] You need to think of those like previews.
[02:54] Those were your nervous system
[02:57] showing you what's available
[02:59] when the weight comes off.
[03:02] This work builds towards more and more of that,
[03:06] more in your relationships.
[03:07] And as you get more plum
[03:09] in your self-expression,
[03:11] the quality of your relationships goes up.
[03:16] And when you have a relationship
[03:18] built on that mutual honesty,
[03:19] the person that you're meeting
[03:21] is a person rather than a mask.
[03:24] They develop a capacity
[03:26] to help you bear your load.
[03:29] Now,
[03:30] that's not do the work for you.
[03:32] It's not
[03:33] fix your stuff.
[03:36] It's help you
[03:38] carry the weight.
[03:41] It can hold
[03:42] arguments.
[03:43] Relationships like that
[03:44] can hold an argument
[03:45] without breaking.
[03:46] They can hold a disagreement
[03:48] without
[03:50] a separation.
[03:51] It can hold silence
[03:54] without filling it.
[03:56] It can hold one of you
[03:57] needing help
[03:59] and the other one
[04:02] being there
[04:02] to share
[04:04] without fixing it,
[04:06] without
[04:07] trying to make it something
[04:09] that it isn't.
[04:10] This capacity
[04:11] is
[04:12] what makes
[04:13] relationships
[04:14] relationships.
[04:16] it's where
[04:19] you find
[04:20] the place
[04:21] where
[04:23] true belonging
[04:25] comes from.
[04:27] And
[04:27] you might say,
[04:28] why are we talking
[04:29] about this
[04:30] in a self-improvement
[04:31] podcast?
[04:32] Why are we talking
[04:32] about this
[04:33] in a Masonic
[04:33] podcast?
[04:34] most men
[04:37] find out
[04:38] too late
[04:39] that they've been
[04:42] living
[04:42] a staged
[04:44] version
[04:44] of themselves
[04:45] and they only
[04:47] find out
[04:48] way late
[04:50] in their life
[04:51] that this
[04:51] really well-articulated
[04:54] mask of a person
[04:55] that they've built
[04:56] can't
[04:58] always
[04:59] be held up.
[05:01] you don't
[05:03] have
[05:03] infinite
[05:04] energy
[05:04] to maintain
[05:05] the facade
[05:05] of who you
[05:07] think
[05:07] everyone else
[05:08] likes best.
[05:10] There will be
[05:11] times when
[05:12] the real you
[05:14] leaks out.
[05:15] And if it's
[05:16] not on purpose
[05:17] and not with
[05:18] intention,
[05:19] the only time
[05:20] the real you
[05:20] leaks out
[05:21] is when it's
[05:22] the bad stuff.
[05:23] When it's
[05:24] you're in pain
[05:25] and you lash
[05:26] out.
[05:28] You're upset
[05:29] and you
[05:30] get nasty
[05:32] and you
[05:33] don't know
[05:33] why.
[05:35] You feel
[05:35] off.
[05:37] All that
[05:37] kind of
[05:38] stuff comes
[05:38] from this
[05:39] lack of
[05:40] self-
[05:41] understanding
[05:42] and the
[05:43] ability to
[05:43] be vulnerable
[05:44] with other
[05:44] people.
[05:45] And it
[05:46] creates this
[05:46] isolation.
[05:48] We're trying
[05:49] to move
[05:49] through all
[05:50] of that
[05:50] and build
[05:52] relationships
[05:52] that matter
[05:53] and stand
[05:55] the test
[05:55] of time
[05:55] that help
[05:56] you grow
[05:56] so you
[05:57] can have
[05:57] those peak
[05:57] experiences
[05:58] become your
[06:00] everyday
[06:00] experience.
[06:02] Here's your
[06:03] charge for the
[06:03] weekend.
[06:04] Pick one
[06:05] relationship,
[06:06] one person
[06:06] who's already
[06:07] in your life,
[06:07] somebody in
[06:08] your inner
[06:08] circle,
[06:08] a long-term
[06:09] friend,
[06:10] brother,
[06:11] partner.
[06:14] Think about
[06:15] what the
[06:16] most honest
[06:17] version of
[06:18] where you
[06:19] are right
[06:20] now would
[06:21] sound like
[06:22] if you said
[06:23] it to that
[06:24] person.
[06:24] if you
[06:27] said your
[06:28] truth.
[06:31] Get clear
[06:32] on what
[06:32] the slightly
[06:33] truer
[06:33] version of
[06:34] yourself
[06:34] is and
[06:36] practice
[06:37] in little
[06:39] bits
[06:39] saying it
[06:41] out loud.
[06:43] Because the
[06:44] man who
[06:44] knows what
[06:45] he would
[06:45] say if
[06:45] he could
[06:46] say anything
[06:47] is already
[06:48] closer to
[06:50] saying it
[06:51] than not.
[06:54] We'll be
[06:55] back next
[06:55] week.
[06:55] We'll be
[06:56] back next
[06:57] week.
[06:57] We'll be
[06:58] back next
[06:58] week.