A Mason's Work

[00:00] Welcome to a Mason's Work podcast where today we're slaying dragons.
[00:06] We talked over the course of the week about your shadow, your psychological shadow, where
[00:10] it comes from, a little bit about how to find it and all of that kind of thing.
[00:15] Today we're going to talk about what do you do when you finally catch it?
[00:20] How do we put this thing to bed?
[00:22] How do we make sure that the shadow no longer drives the bus?
[00:27] And all those mixed metaphors and analogies, that's just for you.
[00:34] So when this happens, when we find that our responses are disproportionate and we begin
[00:46] the process of looking for those places where we're effectively being driven as opposed to
[00:53] being the driver, you're going to notice some stuff.
[01:01] And apart from the discomfort, which is guaranteed, you will note that more often than not, the
[01:12] internal dialogue is framed in a language of blaming.
[01:18] It is her fault.
[01:23] It is he did this to me or the system has failed me.
[01:31] Whatever that language is, that projective language where he did it or she did it or they did it,
[01:42] the single greatest technique you have at your disposal is to change those pronouns from he, she, or they
[01:59] to I.
[02:03] I did this to me.
[02:06] I caused this problem.
[02:08] I am the reason this occurred.
[02:12] When we accept that responsibility, we begin to reclaim our agency.
[02:24] This is outrageously uncomfortable work.
[02:29] You're going to look at this and go, but it wasn't me.
[02:33] It was that person.
[02:34] This person did this to me.
[02:36] I didn't do this to me.
[02:38] It's.
[02:40] It's.
[02:41] I get it.
[02:44] I get it.
[02:45] Right.
[02:46] I want to understand.
[02:47] I want you to know I understand.
[02:48] I understand the desire to externalize causes.
[02:56] But everything that happens to you is by consent.
[03:00] Even the uncomfortable things.
[03:04] So let's talk about that a little bit.
[03:07] Let's dig into this because, uh, what your natural reaction might be is like, no, I didn't
[03:15] choose to, you know, have this sickness or I didn't choose to have this negative thing
[03:20] happen to me or I didn't choose.
[03:22] Or this to be this way.
[03:25] And, and that seems like a rational response.
[03:27] And, and I get it.
[03:29] You certainly did not choose for any of those things to happen.
[03:35] Young children don't choose to get sick.
[03:38] However, your response to those adversities is the cause.
[03:50] I was afraid of the consequences, for example, of, uh, telling someone I had lied to them or
[03:59] misled them.
[04:00] Um, so I have refused to accept responsibility for that and suggested that I had to do these
[04:10] things.
[04:10] I had to maybe not tell the truth or I had to behave in this manner because if I didn't
[04:18] dot, dot, dot.
[04:20] Now we're talking about everyone here.
[04:24] We're talking about in a generic sense, everyone's kind of process that they follow.
[04:29] And in doing that, it's going to seem like it doesn't apply to you.
[04:34] Uh, because again, your shadow really wants to stay in the shadow.
[04:40] So when you find that you are having a difficult time chasing that, you're, you keep pushing
[04:49] the causation out to the rest of the world or out to, uh, other people or what have you.
[04:56] Um, that's where the real work begins.
[04:59] And so, so how can you do that?
[05:01] How can we get that externalized causation back inside kind of where it belongs?
[05:08] It, if the pronoun shift is too abrupt, it's too difficult for you to do.
[05:13] Um, you might start by instead imagining you having a compassionate build conversation, a
[05:22] compassion filled conversation with that person.
[05:26] Start with, I know why you do this.
[05:30] And here's how I feel that dialoguing process with the imagined version of your adversary is
[05:42] the beginning of re-internalizing and changing the conversation from he did this, who we did
[05:50] this to I did this.
[05:53] And in doing that, you get to re-internalize and reclaim agency from the external world that
[06:01] you've projected it onto.
[06:03] We'll talk a little bit more about this tomorrow.
[06:05] Uh, but for now, think about someone, you know, or something that happened where this external
[06:14] force became essentially the enemy.
[06:18] Think about the things you don't like, or you hate even if you have that in your, in some
[06:26] way.
[06:27] And, and that's one of the richest places that you can go to start slaying the dragons internally
[06:34] in your, in your life.