A Mason's Work

[00:00] Yesterday, we talked about that normal behavior that almost everyone has that is acting as a clamp on your genuine self-expression and directs the conversation away from the real you before it ever gets there.
[00:20] We talked about how all of these things that you do to fit in are part of a mechanism you built that's creating that loneliness that you might be feeling.
[00:33] Now, listen, this isn't just for folks that are deep in a loneliness place.
[00:39] This is for folks that are helping people that are feeling lonely.
[00:44] And here's how we start to do this.
[00:48] The answer is not a system framework.
[00:52] You don't have to study.
[00:53] You don't have to sit down and practice this for years and years and years.
[00:58] It's a really simple, implied imperfectly, everyday practice for folks that are already in your life.
[01:10] Here it is.
[01:12] Say the slightly more truthful thing.
[01:15] I know.
[01:18] It's crazy.
[01:19] But that's it.
[01:20] That's the whole shebang.
[01:22] Everything else that we're going to talk about the rest of the week builds from that one slightly closer to true statement.
[01:33] Here's what it looks like in practice because the phrase doesn't really mean a lot without examples.
[01:37] Let's say you're in a conversation and somebody asks how you're doing.
[01:46] You normally would blow that off.
[01:48] Like, yeah, I'm fine.
[01:49] But if you know that deep down you're tired in a way that sleep isn't fixing, you might say, the slightly closer to true thing, honestly, I'm feeling a little worn down lately and I have no idea why.
[02:07] That's it.
[02:08] You don't have to explain it.
[02:10] You don't have to dig into it.
[02:12] You don't have to have it all figured out.
[02:14] You just kind of let yourself be real for a second.
[02:20] I know that sounds weird.
[02:21] I know it doesn't sound like a big deal.
[02:23] And there's a good chance that that may not open the door to a conversation you want to have.
[02:34] But when you start down this path to get to that slightly closer to true, you're being real in the moment.
[02:46] And that makes the loneliness bit go away.
[02:51] Okay.
[02:53] So, on the other side of that, if you're talking to somebody who's kind of giving you the one word answers and you care about them and you want to help them feel less isolated, self-isolated,
[03:08] when you ask them how they're doing and they say fine, but they're visibly aren't, you can say, are you sure?
[03:19] Or, would you like to talk about it?
[03:23] Or, fine doesn't sound like a whole lot of fine to me.
[03:28] It doesn't really matter what the approach is.
[03:34] It's moving through and around the pleasantries of life that we use to shield ourselves from meaningful vulnerability.
[03:44] Not all vulnerability has to be soul-bearing intensity.
[03:50] It's little bits.
[03:51] It's that one time you get to answer the question.
[03:56] Now, we live in a society that's relatively low trust.
[04:00] And part of the reason for that is we're constantly being bombarded with advertisements and rules and regulations and all these things that tell you to be afraid and buy your way out of the situation or buy a magic solution or buy a magic pill.
[04:14] So much so that you put up all this armor in a lot of ways to defend folks, yourself from people that are trying to come at you and take your stuff.
[04:26] And all of that doesn't help at home.
[04:34] All of that doesn't help at large.
[04:37] All of that doesn't help with the people who you're supposed to have a good relationship with that are going to help you feel less isolated.
[04:46] So we put on all of these mineral metallic substances, all of this armor, all of these things to protect ourselves from the world.
[04:56] And the way to take some of those layers off is to peel up the edge just a little bit and be slightly closer to honest.
[05:09] All of the interoceptive work we did last week and a lot of the work we've done in the last several weeks has gotten you to a point where you should understand that when you feel all of that clenching, all of that resistance, that there's something there, that your body is keeping the score here.
[05:30] There's opportunities for you to open that up even in the easy conversations, even in the low stakes where it doesn't matter.
[05:41] In fact, the low stakes where it doesn't matter is the best place to start.
[05:46] You might get a conversation you never expected.
[05:52] Hey, how you doing today?
[05:54] You know, I've been thinking about my grandmother.
[05:57] She used to be awesome and I miss her today.
[06:00] Holy smokes.
[06:03] What conversation stems from that?
[06:06] I will guarantee you it's a whole lot better than the conversation you have when the answer is, I'm fine.
[06:15] We'll talk more tomorrow.