A Mason's Work

[00:00] so yesterday we talked about that father's day trip that went sideways the fishing that
[00:06] you know didn't happen and it wasn't really about fishing anyway the romanticized plan i had that
[00:13] did not survive contact with reality right to tackle the kids wanting time but i'm so busy
[00:20] focused on the fishing that i forgot it was about the time and so when we understand this little bit
[00:28] and we understand that the goal isn't necessarily that object orientation or that hyper focus that
[00:34] we get around a specific thing we're really beginning the process of doing some meaningful
[00:40] work trying to stay sort of aware of this and keep the the anger that may be coming as part of that
[00:50] focus from essentially bleeding out onto everyone around you because again a big objective here in
[00:58] fatherhood in leadership in the lodge is to build and strengthen through the work not uh not damage
[01:09] and destroy right uh we're we're given these tools as builders not destroyers right there are times when
[01:15] you have to break a bunch of stuff down and that's a different conversation and even then when that
[01:21] time comes anger is not the tool you use to do it right anger is uh is all uh very very difficult
[01:30] as a thing to control right and this is where my training from star wars kicks in and and we look at
[01:38] things like anger and because it's non-directed it is not useful if i can't direct the anger to a specific
[01:49] outcome or objective that again aligns to where i want to go it's not functionally useful and i'll tell
[01:55] you right now if you can find a way to do this even if you're effective once it's not a repeatable
[02:02] process there is no sort of meaningful way to turn anger itself into productive work what you can do
[02:13] is turn it into productive focus and that's a little bit different and we can talk about that in a
[02:17] subsequent episode but what i want to get to with all of this stuff is underneath this strong desire to
[02:25] create these outcomes and my you know work towards them and make them successful what we're really doing
[02:33] is trying to assert control we are trying to feel in control of our world and while that is a satisfying
[02:45] feeling to a degree it it is the very cause of our anger and rage when it comes up the moment we are out of
[02:55] control we tend to lose it this is so so in the star wars analogy uh this is the the princess leia line
[03:07] the tighter uh the more you tighten your grip the more star systems will slip through your fingers
[03:11] this is you can squeeze these things so hard that they can't grow that they can't do the thing that
[03:22] they're here to do uh you you can't go pick flowers with a hydraulic press like that doesn't work it's
[03:30] not how this is supposed to go it's the wrong tool for the job same thing's true with how we work with
[03:37] things like anger when we look at things like this uh where we're you know have a situation and we feel
[03:46] responsible for outcomes and we're in charge we really really want this outcome to go a certain way
[03:54] but when we put on our worshipful master's hat for a second and we realize that the mission here
[04:00] to create outcomes is not to do the work ourselves and it's to create space for the work to be done
[04:08] and that work is going to be done by other people we have to take a much much lighter grip here
[04:17] a much looser grip you're in you retain control by creating boundaries right boundary setting it sounds
[04:28] crazy is a big part of understanding how people will interact and work so you can grow you set boundaries
[04:37] with your child so that they know for example that there's no fun stuff to do until some of the work
[04:44] is done you set these boundaries with the folks in your lodge listen you can solve this problem up to
[04:51] 500 and you know 20 minutes of your own time but if it's going to be more than that i'd hate to see you
[04:58] waste it and uh we we don't have the excess capital any of these kinds of examples where we create space
[05:05] space and boundaries is the beginning of allowing and the best form of control you can exert over
[05:13] your family and in your life as a leader as a worshipful master is the control of allowing you allow
[05:22] work to happen in a boundary or in a space you allow growth to happen in a boundary or a space
[05:28] and then you don't touch it you let it be if you can imagine flying off the handle five seconds after
[05:38] you plant a seed in the garden it's not growing fast enough it's not growing fast enough it's not
[05:45] doing the thing what am i going to do this is the same thing so as we talk about being a father and
[05:51] being a leader and being in charge of a lodge it's all the same thing it's that process of understanding
[05:59] how we create meaningful outcomes by virtue of that uh that controlled space that controlled allowing
[06:07] for growth and development we'll get a little more into it tomorrow